HOW TO KNOW IF HE'S THE ONE

Written by Raden Ayu

Every now and then we'd like to share some of our thoughts. This time would be about the question most girls asked to herself. So I figured, it'll be best if I write the post and not Dion hehe.. We'll see what Dion would like to write about.

So how did I know he's the one? Gimana taunya kalau dia beneran jodoh kamu? Read on to know, but this post is only for those of you yang mau pacaran yah, saya ngga punya pengalaman taaruf soalnya hehe.


Teman saya, Adinda but I call her Tedih, pernah bilang: when you know it, then you know it. I was like, oo.. gitu ya.. mm.. that's reassuring (not) hahaha. But the funny thing is, I never knew Dion is The One when we were friends. Tapi begitu kami pacaran, I have this feeling, that this is the guy that I've been looking for my whole life.

The way our brains vibrate at the same frequency, the way he treated me, the way we talk, all pointed out to the fact that he's The One. 

Perbedaan dan masalah yang kami hadapi di awal hubungan cukup sensitif. Being born in different religions, he's younger than me, I'm his friend's ex, his past, my past, the list goes on.  I understand why people wouldn't expect us to go further. Saya sempat mikir hal yang sama, I mean, it's common sense gitu lho with all those differences. It's so easy to just ignore our feelings and leave, it was the right thing to do menurut standar orang pada umumnya. You know, sabotage yourself from happiness.

Padahal kalau mau sejujur-jujurnya, we felt so right with each other against all the odds. Karena pada kenyataannya, ngga sulit ngejalanin hubungan yang kata orang sulit ini. He made it easy. Yang sulit justru menerima kenyataan kalau orang lain berpendapat ini sulit, dan kami merasa perlu menjadikan hubungan kami sulit. Get it? Mmm... contohnya gini, common sense-nya kan semua orang yang ngerasain skripsi bilang skripsi itu shit, susah banget. Pas kamu bikin skripsi, mungkin aja kamu ngga ngerasa kesulitan. Tapi karena orang bilang skripsi sulit, begitu ditanya, kamu bilang skripsi susah.. padahal kamu ngga ngerasa gitu. It's like we're confirming the common sense. Oke, saya ngelantur. Tapi intinya gitu, I don't know why but our relationship works just fine

I didn't believe it at first, but the short answer is: Yes. When you know it, then you know it.

If that isn't enough for you, then maybe we should talk about tangible things that you can measure. We all have that one love story that just gone really bad, leaving unspeakable scar to your heart, to your personality, killing who you really are as a person. Believe me, I know what it's like (will write more about this on another post). Okay, say you're so broken you don't know how to trust someone again. Not trying to belittle your feelings right now, but having experienced so many shitty things in your previous relationship(s) would do you some good! You know why? Because you'd know what it's like to have a bad relationship, and you wouldn't want any more of that. Am I correct?

Ok, anggap aja mungkin kamu sekarang udah move on dan pacaran sama orang baru, and you want to go further with him. Tapi kamu ngga tau apakah dia jodoh kamu atau bukan. Well, the first thing you should check is whether he loves you the same way you love him. Skeptic would say, cinta doang mana cukup. Emang ngga, tapi itu ingredient yang paling penting.

Kalau kamu yakin dia feel the same way with you, pasti kisah kalian pacaran beda kan sama satu hubungan yang unspeakable itu? That's one good sign.

He's your Mr. Right kalau dia merasa membahagiakan kamu adalah sebuah kebutuhan bagi dirinya. Ini juga petuah yang saya ingat dari Tedih. What's the point of years in a relationship if he doesn't care at all whether you are happy or not. Dion might be the least romantic guy in the world, but he always make sure that I'm happy. He wants to do things to make me feel happy, sesimpel he knew I like American Favorite pizza so everytime we order pizza, he would let me pick my favorite even though I knew he would order something else if he order for himself.  The same thing goes for you too, you want to make him happy. Jadi kalau kamu sedih dan dia diem aja, or selama pacaran kamu yang lebih banyak usaha buat ngebahagiain dia and dia baik kalau ada maunya aja, he's not The One. Trust me on this.

Ok, let's get real. All relationships are not always flowers and rainbows, who are we kidding? BUT! You'd know he's the perfect fit for you if you guys fought and make up afterwards. Kadang-kadang saya dan Dion suka diskusi hal-hal random, salah satunya mengenai saat pasangan berantem. Tiap orang kan punya cara marah yang beda-beda ya, how to solve a problem juga beda-beda. Jadi nentuin kamu dan pasangan cocok bukan hanya dari kesamaan dan good times kalian aja, tapi dari cara kalian menyelesaikan masalah. Ada yang maunya dimintain maaf dulu, baru ngebahas masalahnya. Ada yang maunya Si Salah bisa paham dulu salahnya di mana, baru minta maaf. Ada yang ngga mau ngomong dulu, biar tenang dulu, baru diskusi cari jalan keluar. Ada yang maunya selesai saat itu juga. I can't tell you which one is the right way because everybody has different ways to solve a problem. Yang jelas, kalau cara kalian menyelesaikan masalah works for each other, then go for it, asal jangan pakai kekerasan ya! You'd know you're fit for each other when solving a problem, ngga ada yang berat sebelah. Ngga ada yang merasa dilecehkan. Remember, semua masalah ada jalan keluarnya. It's how we find the solution yang membedakan hubungan yang works dan yang ngga.

Saya dan Dion itu tipikal pasangan yang kalo berantem mesti debat. Meskipun emosi pasti ada, tapi kebanyakan yang kami debatkan itu fakta dari point of view masing-masing. Lucky us, kalau sudah membeberkan fakta masing-masing dan salah satu ngga bisa jawab lagi (alias emang udah terbukti salah), pasti langsung mengakui kesalahan dan minta maaf. Setelah itu kami baikan dan our bond will get stronger. Biasanya sebelum sampai tahap berantem, kami lebih suka diskusi. Lebih produktif cari solusi daripada berantem hehehe.

Tiap orang juga ngga selalu in a good mood tiap hari tiap waktu. Sometimes we have our own problems, some days he has his. Hubungan yang sehat adalah when you guys stick to each other in bad times too. You'll be there for each other, in every teardrop and every laugh. I'm talking about a relatively healthy problem - like work stuff or personal issue. So if your boyfriend somewhat terlibat sama bad things like drugs or other criminal action, this is not applicable (bok, yu ngga serem? Yu ngga mau hidup lebih baik? Bukan sotoy sih, tapi itu dibilang kriminal for a reason, okay?). Ok balik lagi, so kalau saya ada masalah di kerjaan and I really want to cry so much, Dion will always be there offering his shoulder and a cup of hot tea. Sometimes you don't want to cry, sometimes you want to discuss your problem. And if he's the right guy for you, he'll be there. Even though mungkin dia ngga paham masalah yang sedang kamu hadapi, he'll be there anyway, trying to understand your ranting and be a good discussion partner. Because when you're feeling down, it's against what he wants (balik lagi ke poin "he wants to make you happy"). Same goes for you too.

Another thing to consider, and it's important. Honesty. Honesty could mean a lot of things, including devotion. Saya sudah pengalaman ada di dalam hubungan yang banyak banget bohongnya. Capek. Mungkin kamu ngga tau kalau kamu lagi diboongin, tapi I believe deep down in your heart you feel that something is off. Kalau kamu paham maksud saya, sudah, jangan diterusin sama yang suka bohong. Baik kamu atau pasangan kamu, bohong itu ngga baik, jadi kebiasaan. Iya, hal-hal kecil yang receh mungkin bisa dicuekin, tapi kalau bohong masalah serius, ngapain? Nothing good comes out from that kind of relationship.

The ideal circumstances would be: his family and friends accepted you, and yours likewise. Kalau pasangan kamu sudah checked semua yang saya sebutkan tadi di atas (including the "you just knew" point) dan ternyata kalian saling diterima di lingkungan satu sama lain, then what are you waiting for? Tapi kalau ada lingkungan kamu (atau dia) yang ngga terima, that could go both ways. Sedikit tips, see the mothers. Biasanya ibu yang paling tahu apa yang terbaik untuk anaknya (in most cases yah). Kalau ibu kamu dan ibu pasangan sudah sama-sama menerima dengan baik hubungan kalian, another good sign :)

Saya tahu beberapa pasangan yang ngga disetujui orang tua, but they love each other very much and it's contagious, and they are now happily married and have kids. Saya juga tahu ada beberapa pasangan yang keliatannya diterima dengan baik satu sama lain, tapi ngga jadi nikah. Makanya saya put ideal circumstances ini menjadi poin terakhir. Karena yang paling penting itu kalian berdua; yang ngejalanin hubungan. You two are the foundation of the relationship, you two are the ones who determine whether this relationship could work or not.

Jodoh, rejeki, maut, semuanya diatur Tuhan. Saya percaya, apa yang Tuhan berikan untuk kita adalah yang terbaik. Begitu pula dengan jodoh. Saya percaya, kalau niat kita baik, meminta jodoh yang baik, benar-benar yakin akan kuasa Tuhan, Tuhan pasti datangkan jodoh yang baik pula. You might already met your Mr.Right or maybe tomorrow, or next year. One thing for sure, God's timing is the best timing.